The Many Forms of Kail

I'd like to let you all in on a secret about me. My present form is not my true form, but instead the result of a technique I've perfected to conceal my true power. In reality, my true form is the most powerful being in the universe, not power as in strength, but power as in the ability to attract women. The only real power men long for is the ability to attract women.
But that much power, to live comfortably with it would be an impossibility, so I have over the years perfected a way to conceal such power and when I need to I may unleash my true form. Until then I shall stay in my present state. But allow me to break down the four forms of Kail.

First form
The state I am currently in is my first form. A wise cracking jokester that, while not physically attractive, still has a good heart. In my first form I act like a complete douchebag at times and my main interest is in sex more than anything else. This is the form I show most people, very few have seen anything beyond this form and if I've dated you then this is the form you've broken up with.

Second form
This is the state I'm slowly forming into. More physically attractive, now with short hair and no braces. In this form I'm a sweet, caring guy who knows what women want, and at the same time I'm still the clever little jokester I was in my first form.

Third form
A hideous beast of a person, the third form is the least attractive of all my forms. In this form I grow a disheveled beard and gain 50 pounds, but I'm even sweeter and gentler than my second form. In this form I'm easily comparable to the Beast from Beauty and the Beast.

Fourth form - The Final Form
My final stage, in this form I'm a handsome, suave gentleman. Very polite, and very dangerous. In this state I am able to attract any woman in the entire universe with ease. A romantic, well dressed man with all the moves who says all the right things at all the right times. It is impossible to live comfortably in this form.

Fourth Form - 100% Power
At this form I can destroy entire planets. I don't know why I need this stage.

Now you all know the truth about the Kail. Also, since I'm still in my first form, I can safely tell you I wrote this entire blog while taking a monster shit. I love having a laptop.

-Kail