Alone I Bake

Completely Forgot About This Blog

2009-09-08T17:35:00.001-07:00

So I kinda forgot this blog existed, I got so sidetracked by Falling Down (my on-hiatus game project) and then the new album came up (Clash EX - New Generation of Heroes) and then I started dating again (gurlz) and then I forgot that I had a blog set up where I talked about nu-metal foodz. And thats what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna bring this blog back to where it started: food that all you EXTREME TEENS FROM 2001 EAT! HURRR

THIS IS THE REAL MOTHERFUCKIN DEAL Y'ALL! Mostly because today for the first time I tried a slice of the new 7-11 pizza! FUCKING AMAZING! This week I'm going to be doing dailies on the gloriousness that is 7-11, show up with a cup full of quarters and a dream and you will leave with a full belly, I fucking love 7-11. Anyways, that starts tommorow, until then, gonna go poop my brains out. UH HUHHHHHHHH

Peace,
-Kail

How to Become an Internet Musician - Part 1: Starting Out

2009-01-30T22:00:00.000-08:00

Since the whole "nu-metal lifestyle" joke got old a couple months ago, I decided to make good use of this blog and put together a tutorial on how to become an internet musician for people who don't know how. So with that, let's get started!

Alright so they finally found a good use of the internet beyond pornography and finding people that have the same name as you! We're gonna use the internet to market our music! No matter what kind of music you make, there is a demographic for it on the internet, same thing with pornography, so this blog works for porn too, just replace the word music with pornography and you'll have yourself a great step by step guide to becoming an adult entertainer!

First off, do you have a band or are you yourself doing everything entirely? The internet can do nothing for you unless you give it something to distribute to the people! So before you sit down to your computer and sign up for PayPal so you can start getting money, let's make some music!

Ok now that you have your music and everything situated, whether you have a full band or it's just you and an instrument (or even your computer), we can get started.

I'm gonna outline all the different steps, and in the coming weeks I'll elaborate on each one.

1. Style and Music - DONE! You did that on your own, great job!
2. Finding your core demographic - The internet will only get you the 12 to 34 crowd, sorry, if you make oldey time music like the Soggy Bottom Boys then you'll have a harder time than someone making Fall Out Boy style music.
3. Myspace - You definitely need a myspace, a website will help, but not having a myspace will destroy you
4. Promoting Your Stuff - Get out there, make some friends on myspace, talk on message boards that are full of people who like the genre of music you connect with, get in the chat rooms.
5. Youtube - Right now youtube is the biggest thing because it's convenient and viral, if something good shows up on youtube you damn well know everyone will see it.
6. Album Production - Got enough people interested? Great! Let's get started on making an album!
7. Distribution Methods - There are several great distribution methods on the internet, whether it be physical (CDs and stuff), digital service (iTunes, Napster, Rhapsody, etc), or direct download (straight from your website).
8. The Real World - Shifting your music from the internet to the real world, live shows, albums in stores, and TV and Radio stuff

Along the way I'll post different posts talking about other topics, but those are the basics. I'll try to keep it routine like once every couple days, or once a week at most.

See ya next time!
-Kail

The Many Forms of Kail

2008-12-05T23:40:00.000-08:00

I'd like to let you all in on a secret about me. My present form is not my true form, but instead the result of a technique I've perfected to conceal my true power. In reality, my true form is the most powerful being in the universe, not power as in strength, but power as in the ability to attract women. The only real power men long for is the ability to attract women.
But that much power, to live comfortably with it would be an impossibility, so I have over the years perfected a way to conceal such power and when I need to I may unleash my true form. Until then I shall stay in my present state. But allow me to break down the four forms of Kail.

First form
The state I am currently in is my first form. A wise cracking jokester that, while not physically attractive, still has a good heart. In my first form I act like a complete douchebag at times and my main interest is in sex more than anything else. This is the form I show most people, very few have seen anything beyond this form and if I've dated you then this is the form you've broken up with.

Second form
This is the state I'm slowly forming into. More physically attractive, now with short hair and no braces. In this form I'm a sweet, caring guy who knows what women want, and at the same time I'm still the clever little jokester I was in my first form.

Third form
A hideous beast of a person, the third form is the least attractive of all my forms. In this form I grow a disheveled beard and gain 50 pounds, but I'm even sweeter and gentler than my second form. In this form I'm easily comparable to the Beast from Beauty and the Beast.

Fourth form - The Final Form
My final stage, in this form I'm a handsome, suave gentleman. Very polite, and very dangerous. In this state I am able to attract any woman in the entire universe with ease. A romantic, well dressed man with all the moves who says all the right things at all the right times. It is impossible to live comfortably in this form.

Fourth Form - 100% Power
At this form I can destroy entire planets. I don't know why I need this stage.

Now you all know the truth about the Kail. Also, since I'm still in my first form, I can safely tell you I wrote this entire blog while taking a monster shit. I love having a laptop.

-Kail

FUNimation's Redone DBGT Opening

2008-12-04T11:51:00.000-08:00

The new Dragon Ball GT box set comes out on Tuesday, some people already got theirs, and apparently FUNimation was smart and redid the opening. Say goodbye to Step Into The Grand Tour lol.

Lyrics transcribed by ME!:

Bit by bit I'm falling under your spell
Your smile's all I need to see to know we'll
Leave this endless darkness saying
"Come on home with me"
Hold my hand

Back when you first came into my life
I recalled a place that I knew as a child
A special place
One that I hold close to my heart

Won't you lead me in a dance down this winding road
Where light and shadow intwine to take home
Of the thoughts of the one left far behind

Know that sometimes
I want
To turn
Around and see
The things that I've passed
On the journey
But know that with love on my side
With courage and pride
I'll fight
I will carry on!

Bit by bit I'm falling under your charm
You'll keep me and all the world far from harm
Bring hope to everyone
Take in your end's eternity
Even when it seems that I don't need you
Just know that I am in love, can't wait to
Leave this endless darkness
Won't you come along with me?
Hold my hand!

RANT: Why Does Fox Want Dragonball to Fail So Bad?!

2008-11-10T21:36:00.001-08:00

Alright like I've been following the upcoming Dragonball movie for the past year, and every piece of news seems to make the movie look incredibly silly. The promo pics were pretty alright, and the trailer wasn't bad, but honestly, everything that leaks makes this movie look incredibly silly and not cool in the least, maybe it's just what's being leaked and they way the leaks are being presented, or maybe Fox just doesn't want to make money, either way it's gonna end badly.

Take the above image for instance, that's Goku's great ape form. How silly is that! But wait... that's what's being PERCEIVED as Goku's great ape form! Fox didn't say that that actually WAS the form, but we do know it's legit because they made several sites remove it. My guess is that that's the form mid transformation because it doesn't look finished in the least to me.

I think this movie has a chance of being pretty good, but from what's being leaked I can't say for sure, King Yemma's gonna be doing a lot of filing the day this movie comes out if it sucks because I see a LOT of fans killing themselves and each other.

REVIEW: Repo! The Genetic Opera

2008-11-09T02:27:00.001-08:00

I saw this movie last night at a packed theater in New York City, The Angelika to be exact. I showed up with my friend Derek at 9:30 and they were completely sold out for the 10:45 showing, so we had to get tickets for the 12:45 showing. Now while that one wasn't sold out, it was pretty packed, and there was a line to get into the theater an hour before showtime.
Now onto the movie, the basic story was simple, in the future people's organs start failing and transplants are needed, so GeneCo appears and makes organs available to those who need them, but at a price. If you can't afford the price then a monthly bill plan is instated, and if you can't pay the bill and find yourself in debt, a Repo Man comes and repossesses the organ, and if you happen to die in the process, that's not his problem.
An interesting story idea, definitely gives me the willies just thinking about it, throw in some killer music and operatic themes and you got yourself an odd blend. A heavy metal horror opera. Sweeney Todd looks like Hairspray compared to this.
The opening scene is a montage of comic book panels set to eerie music, my jaw dropped once it started. The montage gives the back story, and the way it's done was magnificent. The comic book montages appear frequently to give some back story on various characters.

In short, this movie was great. It had killer songs, memorable characters, amazing visuals, and a great cameo during one of the numbers (not gonna spoil it :P). If you liked Sweeney Todd, then you will really LOVE Repo! The Genetic Opera.

10/10 - YOU MUST SEE THIS MOVIE RIGHT NOW

OIL!

2008-10-07T19:14:00.000-07:00

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Dragon Ball Z Movies - Lord Slug

2008-10-03T10:20:00.000-07:00

As you may know, I'm a die hard DBZ fan, it runs in the family. My brother, my sister, my nephews and neice, my cousins, we all love Dragon Ball Z, and I for one, love the movies more than the series. The movies were usually 45 minutes long each and usually had no connection to the series, or they had some connection and then something had to throw it off so that it didn't connect at all. So the other day my brother got the Tree of Might/Lord Slug Double Feature DVD and it made me remember just how fucking awesome Lord Slug was. First off, this was FUNimation's first shot at dubbing a DBZ movie, they didn't do the original first three, so they did this and they made it like an actual movie. They licensed actual music by great nu-metal bands like Breaking Point and Disturbed and threw in the songs where they fit and it was awesome.
Might I add this movie was released in the best year of all time 2001, only one bad thing happened in 2001 and though we're still suffering from the consequences of 9/11, we also still have the fond memories of nu-metal and great Dragon Ball Z movies!

Honestly, if you wanna feel nu-metal, you gotta not like anime but LOVE Dragon Ball Z because there is nothing more nu-metal than Dragon Ball Z.

Corn Dogs! Holy fucking god

2008-09-27T15:05:00.000-07:00

I fucking LOVE corn dogs, forget fucking hot dogs, last week after I got my paycheck I ran to shop rite and got me some corn dogs and I said "shit son"

Fucking DELIGHTFUL thats what they are

Hot Dogs

2008-09-07T19:11:00.001-07:00

I fucking love hot dogs. Today I made myself a dog and it fucking split at the ends, I fucking hate when hot dogs do that, it looks so fucking nasty. But I sucked it up like a man and I enjoyed it. Fucking pussy ass dudes wont eat hot dogs because they think it looks gay, that shits fucked up, buncha pussies. I'm so fucking tough that I'll walk around in a fucking gay ass pink rainbow shirt. Thats how fucking TOUGH I am. MOUNTAIN FUCKING DEW!

Gotta Have My Pops

2008-09-04T13:18:00.001-07:00

Yo. If there's one food I fucking love, it's cereal. If there's one cereal that's fucking EXTREME, it's Corn Pops. I mean c'mon, I gotta have my Pops. Look at that shit. It's so fucking EXTREME and so fucking nu-metal, I feel like Fred Durst himself be eatin' that shit the whole time they recorded Chocolate Starfish. Damn son, best fucking cereal ever. If you wanna be nu-metal and extreme like me, then you gotta eat your corn pops.

I even recorded a neat little video of myself enjoying corn pops and being fucking extreme while watching digiman. Check check it yo.

MOVIE NEWS: Lord Piccolo REVEALED in Dragonball Movie!

2008-09-02T22:44:00.001-07:00

Alright now what the fuck is this shit? Fuck, that looks NOTHING like Piccolo! Are they shitting me? I'll be fucking pissed if that actually is Piccolo because I am a HUGE Dragonball fan and I thought this movie had potential at first, but not any more. This lost me. They could've ATLEAST made him GREEN! That would've been passable! Infact...

This is 2 minutes in photoshop. How much better is that? Now the green isn't exactly right, but that looks a LOT better than the shit they had before. Now that's just rascist, they made a green namekian WHITE just to sell the picture to white folk. Shit pisses me off.

Mountain FUCKING Dew

2008-09-02T17:25:00.000-07:00

Nothing's more fucking in your face and extreme then my favorite of all sodas...

Mountain Dew Code Red. It's the most Nu-Metal soda in existence. Nothings more extreme than flavored Mountain Dew. When my next album comes out and I'm a big time nu-metal musician, bringin' 2001 back ofcourse, best fucking year for music ever, I'm gonna be gettin' all sorts of endorsement deals, because nothing's more nu-metal than sponsors, and I'm hoping Mountain Dew will be one of them! Fucking EXTREME!

Welcome to Alone I Bake!!

2008-09-02T12:29:00.000-07:00

Yo. I'm Kail, and I'll be guiding you through the most extreme foods you can eat. Do you like to eat? Do you hate cooking? Think it's too much work? Would you rather lay around and lunge at people, talk to girls, and listen to bands like Korn, Limp Bizkit, Saliva, P.O.D., Staind, and Slipknot? Then you've come to the right place, brother!
Here I'll be posting the best food for you to make easy and fast with little to no effort, so you can spend your slacker time wisely! Word up.